As some of you may have realised, I didn’t manage to post every single day of #Blogtober… but I thought I would still write a little post if I could about my October mental health reflection.
Grab a cuppa, get cosy and let’s get nosey into my reflection on this month and my mental health…
In case you missed it, here is what things were like for me in September.
So, let’s get started…
I am well and truly back into the swing of things at uni. I won’t lie, it hasn’t been easy, going back to start a new term with a bunch of new people and after all the grief that happened last year… but I’m determined to get my head down this year and just get it over and done with.
So far, people seem okay. It’s a lot less judgemental than in the previous years, and on the whole, people seem more empathetic… I find myself being able to talk about my mental health with a couple of people especially, but I just feel like I’ve been able to be quite honest so far, which is great.
The same issues have started to come up about the strength of friendships because I only attend one day a week and I am so busy with work, I don’t have the time to invest in these friendships like others can, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care. But I have learned to cope by reminding myself of the reason why I am there, to get my degree to make my life better. This mindset definitely helps.
Amazingly so far I’ve managed to keep up with my deadlines, there’s only been three so far but it’s been quite an adjustment going from being unemployed for six months, to studying, working and blogging… I’m feeling organised and positive.
I struggled at first to find the motivation to create a dissertation topic. I know it’s something I’ve needed to do and it is so important, but that just made it all the more daunting. Especially when one of the girls on my course was bragging that a supervisor had basically come up with an idea for her… me being me just felt even worse about myself. Until I met with my supervisor, who LOVED my idea, that my little old brain came up with all by itself. She said it’s the most interesting one she’s doing this year. Chuffed was an understatement.
Overall, I’m understandably stressed with the workload and keeping my motivation at the right level to make it through the year, but I feel like I can and will do this, no matter what it takes.
Although I didn’t manage to finish the whole of October, making 19 posts whilst working and studying isn’t bloody bad going for a first-timer! I actually really enjoyed it. It’s been wonderful having a bit more variety and engagement with different topics as well as writing about mental health. It made me feel like a ‘proper’ blogger.
FAVOURITE POSTS FROM BLOGTOBER:
- WORLD MENTAL HEALTH DAY 2019
- MY FAVOURITE BLOGGERS
- HOW I SUCCESSFULLY QUIT SMOKING
- OCTOBER’S FAVOURITE RECOVERY QUOTES
WORLD MENTAL HEALTH DAY:
The tenth of October is another very important date, as it is World Mental Health Day. As someone who lives with mental illness every day and wishes people would speak up about it EVERY DAY, I wanted to write a post to help raise awareness.
Check it out here.
A BLAST FROM THE PAST:
As some of you may know, I started a new job in September. Overall, I am loving it. It’s helping my confidence and my sense of purpose. It’s reassured me that this is the area I want to work in in the future. The people are great. I’m really grateful they chose me to learn and thrive in this role.
What has thrown me, is that someone I knew from, as I call it ‘my old life’ works there. As soon as I saw them, it took me straight back to 2011 and all the horrible things that happened in that year. I have spent so many years trying to redefine who I am, to treat my mental illness and at that moment it felt like it was all for nothing. I felt so exposed and vulnerable.
The worst thing is, is that this person probably doesn’t even care that I work there, I am insignificant. But I feel like I can’t breathe when I am there. I’m hoping it goes with time and they can see that I am no longer the person they thought I was. That we can both put our drive together to help those who are in need right now. I really hope by this time next month I can say that we can at least hold a conversation where we both don’t feel uncomfortable…
MENTAL HEALTH REVIEW APPOINTMENT NUMBER 3:
Annoyingly I have been so busy, that I have missed two appointments scheduled to talk about my mental health. I have tried to rearrange these, but I haven’t had any luck yet. I have had many fluctuations in my mood this month, feeling as close to manic as I have done in years then plummeting down to low moods.
My October hasn’t been extremely interesting this year, as you can probably tell from this post. But sometimes it’s okay to have a life so busy you don’t have time to share it online…
OCTOBER BLOG SUMMARY:
In comparison to last month, I did post a lot more.
- BLOGTOBER 1: AN INTRODUCTION.
- BLOGTOBER 2: SEPTEMBER 2019 PHOTOS.
- BLOGTOBER 3: SEPTEMBER 2019 MH REFLECTION.
- BLOGTOBER 4: 10 FACTS ABOUT ME.
- BLOGTOBER 5: MY AUTUMNAL BUCKET LIST 2019.
- BLOGTOBER 6: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT OCTOBER.
- BLOGTOBER 7: HOW TO BE PRODUCTIVE ON A ‘DOWN DAY’.
- BLOGTOBER 8: USEFUL BLOGGING HABITS TO FORM.
- BLOGTOBER 9: MY REASONS TO STAY ALIVE.
- BLOGTOBER 10: WORLD MENTAL HEALTH DAY 2019.
- BLOGTOBER 11: MY FAVOURITE BLOGGERS.
- BLOGTOBER 12: NIGHTMARES.
- BLOGTOBER 13: WHAT IS EUPD?
- BLOGTOBER 14: PUMPKIN-SPIRATION.
- BLOGTOBER 15: WHAT IS MY MORNING ROUTINE?
- BLOGTOBER 16: WHAT IS MY EVENING ROUTINE?
- BLOGTOBER 17: TIPS FOR A STIGMA-FREE HALLOWEEN.
- BLOGTOBER 18: OCTOBER’S FAVOURITE RECOVERY QUOTES.
- BLOGTOBER 19: HOW I SUCCESSFULLY QUIT SMOKING – STOPTOBER.
- On the 30th of September, I had 3,522 followers.
- On the 31st of October, I had 3,535 followers.
- On the 30th of September, I had 160 followers.
- On the 31st of October, I had 169 followers.
- Back in October of 2018, I had received 42 total views on my posts. Fast forward to the same month 2019, I have received 402 views for this month.
- On the 31st of October, I had received 107 likes for this month.
- This month, I have received 239 visitors.
- This month I have received 107 likes and 22 comments.
- On the 31st of October, I had received 19 new followers.
Yet again, these numbers may seem small to others, but they mean the world to me!
Overall, I would like to say that I am in a good place. I understand that being stable doesn’t mean being happy all the time, your mood changes with your situation. I would say that is where I am at right now, I feel mainly in control and I can understand why things affect me. I am focusing on finishing this year on a good note.
See you at the end of the month for November’s MH reflection.